Expecting and Not Expecting
I had a thought that I never in my life would have considered before this last couple of weeks….
What if I had an at home baby birth…?
Why would I never consider an at home birth? For a lot of personal reasons, one being the fact that my first two babies were both c-sections. So physically it can’t happen. I know for some women it’s a fabulous experience, but for me it’s not possible. With recent uncertain times I have anxiety about something that is supposed to be familiar. None of this is what I expected.
Up until recently my husband and both boys have gone to every baby appointment to hear their sisters heart beat. That will change this week, as my husband is the only one allowed to join and I’ll be thankful he can still come. I didn’t expect to have our last two appointments without the boys present.
I expected to go to the baby stores and purchase our last minute “must haves” to prepare for her arrival.
I expected to have a fresh pedicure and have my hair blown out the day before we delivered our baby girl.
I expected to have a waiting room full of family like we had with the boys deliveries. Including my grandma (the great grandma) to be present from out of state.
I expected for my husband to hold my hand during my c-section and be my rock.
I expected for my husband to be able to show the baby through the nursery window, lion king style, to share a first peek with family and friends.
I expected to have my mom and best friend take turns spending the night with me in the hospital, because I want my husband home for the boys.
I expected to have proud aunts and uncles trickle in during the day to snap first pictures and snuggle our newest family addition.
Now, here we are 10 days out from our scheduled c-section and I expect for all of those things to be shattered because they are all out of my control.
I didn’t expect to be buying our last minute “must haves” online, if I can even find them.
I didn’t expect that our friends and family will not be at the hospital waiting or visiting.
I didn’t expect that my husband might not be allowed in the operating room due to a shortage of medical supplies.
I didn’t expect that my husband might be my only visitor.
I didn’t expect that my boys wouldn’t be allowed to meet their new sister at the hospital.
I didn’t expect that my best friend and mom tradition of staying with me at the hospital might not happen and I might be sleeping alone.
My heart hurts for the other moms-to-be. This is not what we expected.
My heart hurts for all the first time parents and grandparents. This is not what they expected.
My heart hurts at the thought of being alone. This is not what I expected.
My heart hurts for the mamas canceling baby showers, gender reveals, and all the other experiences that come with expecting.
My heart hurts because we have zero control over anything and having an expectation is so unrealistic. We don’t know what tomorrow, or the next 10 days, will look like.
Thank you to those of you that have reached out with your prayers and kind words. I am truly grateful! I am thankful for a healthy baby and the nurses and doctors that will be present in our delivery.
So here we are… 10 days out… expecting… and not expecting.
Sweet Katie,
Thank you for sharing your heart. I am praying for you and your family as you navigate the arrival of your precious daughter!
Thank you so much! I think everyone could use some more prayers these days 🙂
Hi Katie, Thank you for sharing. I am praying for you and sweet family, and trust that God has this under His control, too. He has a perfect plan. All we need do is have faith that He will never leave us.
Love and blessings,
Jeanie
Exactly what I prayed for last night! Thank you! Love you!
I am so sorry that all of those wonderful experiences won’t happen this time. The known and expected always make the way easier to go. It is in our control. When the uncontrollable happens and we are confronted with our limitations and need to exert our will to have control we find we lack in strength and thinking. We faulter. We have fear and we grieve what was supposed to have been. Then Jesus speaks to our storm and calms our fears. We step onto a storm rocked sea and reach for His hand and He speaks to our hearts, “Peace, be still and know that I am the Lord your God and I am with you.” I know that you know these things for it is written on the countinance of your sweet face and His peace visibly surrounds you. You have lost so much, but His Grace is bringing you so much more. This will be her story and it will be so different for she is a small bundle bringing light and joy into a dark and confused world. She is small, but she will be fierce for she comes from people standing firm on The Rock.
Love you sweet girl. Keep us updated so we can rejoice with you even from far away!.
Melissa Applewhite! How I have missed you! Thank you so much for all of your kind words and prayers. I need them 🙂 LOVE you!
💚💛💙 All the love and prayers coming your way!
May God continue to bless you with courage, and provide your every need. We are never really ‘alone’ but it sometimes feels that way when we want our loved ones around. I pray a hedge of protection around you and your new baby, that the Lord bless and keep you both. Andrea is my next door neighbor, and is so wonderful and loving. I’m sure you’re the same, with family genes and all! God bless.
Thank you so much! We appreciate the prayers! Super thankful for family and friends to “surround” us as best they can from afar. I love that Andrea has good people surrounding as well! xoxox
So we ever understand this so well! We are at the airport and waiting on our flight to Nashville and then on to Clarksville. Adri’s contractions are 10 minutes apart. Both my babies are there alone, and we are trying our best to get there. Prayers for you!
Katie, I know this is a lot to adjust to all of a sudden but I know if anyone can handle it and come out of everything that seems to be going backwards it will be you. You and Craig Rocker and Jagger are so special to me and you are in my prayers always. I know God will be with you and you will not go through this without HIs Great Presence.